34 weeks 4 days.

I can't believe how fast a year goes buy. I remeber Oct. 15 2008 like it was yesterday. It was just a few weeks before that I had learned what Oct. 15 and Rememberane day was. It was the day that I truly realized that I was not alone. The women that I met on babycenter in the second trimester loss board helped me get through some of the tough days, but i didn't realize how many women there were out in the world that have suffered a loss. Oct. 15, 2008 I lit my canle at 7pm and cried the night away. This year, Oct. 15 was a little different. I am 34 weeks pregnant and I had an OB appointent at 6:30pm. We waited almost an hour to see the OB. By the time we got out of there we were starvng and went for chinese food. Needless to say I never go the chance to light my candle at 7pm, but I will be lighing it all weekend. The whole day was bitter sweet. I thought about the baby I lost while feeling the baby inside me kick and squirm. I don't get sad any more. I find it hard to be sad when I have so much to greatful for. My OB appointment went well. The baby is measuring a week a head. Dr. said this is a perfect pregnancy. I didn't gain any more weight, blood pressure and urine are perfect. I feel great, sleep well, and are still very comfortable. My husband is amazing, my parents and sister are excited, my friends and coworkers have been extrememly supportive, the women on the ttc after a second trimester loss board are amazing..... Life right now almost seems perfect. I just hope it lasts!
So anyway. Last year we went to the feast of St. Gerard the weekend of Oct. 15th. the feast was wonderful. There were many Italian women, pregnant or trying to conceive all praying for their rainbow baby. It was very sad to see but at the same time I felt a sense of belonging and joy. I knew that if I prayed to St. Gerard long and hard enought that he would make sure that this baby makes it. I truly bleive he is the reason why I have made it to 34 weeks. I can not wait to go to the feast tomorrow and pay my respects. I will be there rain or shine. I plan to donate a large sum of money to St, Lucys church in Newark, NJ. I also plan to light candles for all the women I know who are trying to have their rainbow babies and for the women on babycenter who I have come to love. I am also secretly looking forward to eating an Italian hotdog...yummy!!!

Me and my sister

I decided to ask my sister to be in the Labor and Devivery room with me. I know my husband will be a great support for me, but I just feel like he is going to need some support and my sister is the best person to do that.

Me at 33 weeks!

One year ago today

One year ago today I walked into Hackensack hospital an expecting mother and walked out five hours later childless. I will never forget my 16 week appointment. I was so excited. I couldn't believe I had a baby growing inside me. Chris was working nights so I went to the appointment myself. The nurse Nancy read all my vital signs and asked me how I was feeling. I immediatly said that this was the best pregnancy ever and if it contines like this I will be extremely happy and blessed. I spoke to soon. I went in to the exam room and waited for Dr. Gallo. He put the heart beat doppler on my belly and there was no sound. He moved it around saying sometimes its hard to find. After five minutes of not finding the heart beat he said lets do an ultrasound. The nurse came in and asked me to drink some water, but I already knew. I called Chris panicing. The nurse said not to get all worked up. The Dr. did the ulrsasound and I saw my little baby all crawled up in a ball not moving. He than did an internal ultrasound and nothing. Dr. Gallo confimred fetal demise. I was so upset I didn't know what to do, so he called Chris for me. I got dressed and they walked me into another room. Dr. Gallo wanted a second optinion so he made an appointment for me the next morning at the MRI place around the corner from my house. I just cried the rest of the day. the hardest part was telling my parents. My fathe was so upset he just yelled on the phone. The next day we went for our second optinion, and the couldn't find the heartbeat either. We went back to Dr. gallo and had a meeting him and he explained what would happen next. We made an appointment at the hopital for 5pm the next day. This was the longest day of my life. I was so nervous. I didn't know what to expect. We got the hospital at five and left befor 10pm. In less than five hours my baby was taken from me. I will never know what he looked like or smelled like. He would have been six months only now and I miss him so much.
I love you, I miss you and I know you are looling after your sibling...so thank you.

No induction for me!!!!!

I went to the hematologist yesterday and after waiting over an hour, Dr. Weintraub informed me that at 36 weeks he will switch me over to heprin and I will be able to go into labor naturally. I kind of have mixed feeling about this. I am glad that i will be able to experience the natural process of labor but I was hoping that I could be induced early.I am a planner and I would have loved to know when I would be having this baby. Now the waiting is going to kill me!!! I just hope I have the baby before thanksgiving. I would hate for this child to have to celebrate its birthday on a holiday.
Last night Chris and I went to our first prenatal class. It was as good as I expected. The lady that teaches the class is a seventy year old australian women. She was very nice and funny. She discussed alot about preterm labor and th4e various stages of labor. We also went over some relaxation techniques. Chris seemed into it and said he found it interesting. Only five more classes and thirteen weeks to go!!!1

Week 25 and a great Dr.'s appointment!!!

I went for my 25 week appointment today. Chris couldn't make it because he was working the day shift. That was the great news I received last week. He had know for two months that he was going to be working the day shift perminately and didn't tell me until last week. I am so excited. Its been almost 9 years!!! Eating dinner alone every night is no fun!!! Anyway, so he was not able to get to the appointment and I didn't want to reschedule. I gained 19 pounds in total, my blood pressure and urine were good. Nancy, the nurse gave me information on how to preregister and cord blood banking. I also have to go for the diabestes test in three weeks and she gave me the paper work for that. Dr. just check my stomach and the babys heart beat. He said the head was down and the feet are by my lungs. The heart beat was stong and the baby is measuring in the 88 percentile which means there is no growth restiction. I asked about my choppy placenta and he was not concerned and I also asked about the fibroid that was near my cervix. He said it was really small and that the baby will probably push it out. He also told me that at 36 week Dr. weintraub will make a decision on if I should be kept on lovenox or switch over to heprin. I am hopig they keep me on lovenox and induce me. Maybe they will induce me early. I would love to have the baby the week before Thanksgiving. If they switch me over to heprin that I can go into labor on my own and who know when that will happen. As long as the baby isn't born on Thanksgiving day!!! So, it was a great appointment and I got a lot of information so I left thrilled and relieved!!!!